one of our own

Ryan had another braai at his house so we were all grouped round the fire in the middle of his backyard. After a yummy dinner and toasted marshmallows, the fire was burning quite brightly, warm enough for me to get sleepy. Ryan called me and motioned for me to curl up on the sofa inside with a blanket. 'Thanks,' I said (though in truth it was warmer by the fire!) and he said, 'No sweat, you're one of our own'. I've noticed an interesting thing about ingroups/outgroups here. If you are talking to a stranger, say someone in the shop or your landlord, they can be quite aggressive and hostile. However, once you are on the inside of a group, it's like some kind of amazing brotherhood where they will bend over backwards to help you. Sweet.

The number of posts has been rather pathetic so I thought I would cheat and put down some extracts from my journal. One of my friends back home, Cat, asked me what it was like to work with all those guys. Actually I haven't thought about it for a long time, though it was a huge struggle at first. People will look at you and automatically have less confidence in your reliability and strength because they see a girl. This manifested itself in some skippers swopping crew around so I was no longer crewing on their yacht and not talking to me/looking straight through me. However, what can you do but a) leave or b) grit your teeth and carry on until the bitter end. The second group of people are more tricky. These people, like Ryan and Lucky, have been absolutely lovely to me from day one for no apparent reason than they find me amusing and cute (as in it's cute and novel to be seen with a female crew member on board). OK well I suppose I do have a tendency to work on something slavishly ... occasionally ... sometimes. However, the flipside is that sometimes I feared that their liking for me as a person would cloud their professional judgement of my ability to crew , especially in strong winds. Other people working for the same company, but not sailing crew (and therefore never working with me) would treat me like a little girl, often they are middle-aged men and more than a little pervy. This I respond to politely, laugh if they do something like offer to help me carry a box or something, get a frosty reply if they cross the line and a punch if they are really rude (not in the face though don't worry).

So, extracts ...

Sunday 24 September 2006 - Today I was angry. I got angry at George today because he made me crew with Chris. I got annoyed b/c he was doing some things wrong. [At this stage, I could just about remember everything right as long as the other guy I was partnering with was messing up] Rod was saying how sometimes passengers are rude but what can you do, the customer is always right. That made me angry because the customer *isn't* always right. the customer's only right b/c you want his money but there shld be some things you're not willing to sacrifice for tips; things worth standing up for - like defending your friends when they're trying their best and still learning. The other thing that made me angry was that during the sail, George let a young woman take the helm for a bit. A fat smart ass guy said 'all tickets should be half price now b/c a woman is at the helm'. and instead of defending his crew, George added, 'we should bring out the lifejackets'. It took me a few moments but I'm glad I said 'I object' quite loudly. But I was sore that George hadn't defended women sailing. I was also angry that while Chris and I were working, sometimes I'd catch George sneering at us and there was a general atmosphere of derision and a bad vibe because Chris was on board.

Another night a whole bunch of us were at Ferryman's (local). A homeless woman came begging and Roger said to Emile, 'here comes your girlfriend'. I threatened to hit Roger with the newspaper but it really does make me angry. That woman would have been able to hear everything and she has feelings too. Sean said I was like his niece in that I'd studied a lot but don't seem to have experienced much of the world (the subtext being the more you see, the more jaded you become?). He said that it seemed like I was used to a different kind of crowd than the sailing guys. I said I was tired of my usual crowd and that's why I came here.

Sunday 12? October 2006 - I feel like most of the guys don't treat me seriously professionally or think I'm not capable. Everytime I joke with the guys I'm not sure if it's undermining my credibility professionally. And I'm not sure what to make of it when the guys sit at the picnic table and talk lecherously about girls. And everytime I'm helping to serve drinks rather than sailing/hoisting, passengers assume I'm the hostess rather than crew, which of course they wouldn't assume if I were a guy. Like the girl from Cantina (other local) who's told me twice now she'd like to do what I do, but who's also asked me why I'm doing a man's job. or the two old German men who as me as a joke, 'Isn't that a man's job?' as I was undoing the cleats on the reefing lines. 'No it's not' I said tartly.

They couldn't believe it when I told them how old I was. Roger had thought I was 21. I wonder if the big brotherly behaviour will stop now. I kind of like it in a way which is semi-contradictory (just because it's so much easier when others help you) but sometimes I have to push them away and say '*don't help me'. I had to say this and eventually snap at Lucky when flaking the foremain. On Friday I was tying up the sail tie and Joss walked up and said 'can I help you with that?' 'no I'm fine' I said emphatically but still politely as I tugged on the loop and dangled above the cabin by my hands, still hanging onto the sail (you must put your whole bodyweight into it, said Ryan once). I have worked out that I can do most things the guys can do, just have to do it slower and think of clever ways to use tools instead of brute strength.